Wisdom in the Trees of Life

The aftermath of transition has hit me a bit harder than I expected.  Here I sit, 6 weeks after our move to this sweet natured city, only somewhat sure which end is up.  Yesterday, I stood in our bedroom, overwhelmed and full of uncertainty.  Somewhere I found the fortitude to do just one thing, throw all the dirty towels into the washer.  And then I did one more thing, unpacked a box.  Then another and another and another.  Before I knew it, the bed was made and several boxes had been reduced to curbside recycling.  I also concluded that the bedsheets covering the windows have been adding to my misery and sense of 'unsettled', so today I am on a mission to buy rods and hang proper curtains!  There are still new dressers to be assembled (thank you, Ikea) and pictures to be placed on the walls.  Soon.  

The list of my uncertainties about all of this is long, which may be to blame for my procrastination with pulling this space together and creating a proper house to live in.  It is my nature to question things and mull them over (sometimes) to my own demise.

Last week we were on vacation (we went on a crazy road trip) and spent some time in the Redwood Forests of Northern California.  The energy in that place was staggering.  I felt high yet grounded.  Of course I did yoga, I couldn't not do yoga!  Popped up into headstand with such ease, did a wheel pose on top of a mighty redwood that had fallen across the forest floor and stretched in every which direction amongst these giant wise old trees.  And in that time, my world had such clarity, revelation even.  Every fear had fallen away and every joyful potential filled the spaces around me.  I was drugged up on it!

Ever since being at the Ashram and working in the kitchen, I've had this longing to feed people.  In the shadow of the Redwoods, it all felt very tangible.  But this desire to feed does not play out here and that is where these conflicted thoughts come into play.  So for the next while, I am giving this all over to the Universe.  May it conspire to give me the true desires of my heart.  May all of our lives be filled with a satvic, peaceful energy that leads us gently along the way.